Qualities In A Good Wife: What I’ve Learned Through Marriage

What beautiful qualities of character should you find in a good wife?

My husband and I hit our ten year dating anniversary this week.

A year and a half after dating, we got married. Then came four kids, paying off $50k in debt, a master’s degree, and moving four times.

We’ve been through a lot in a very short time.

Throughout this past decade, I’ve had to become a learner. I’ve had to grow, change and adapt.

You see, I really wasn’t ready for marriage when we said “I DO”. I thought marriage would be easy.

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Instead, I found it to be very challenging and difficult. I found myself un malleable, not ready to be formed into a lovely and beautiful bride of character.

I soon learned that a beautiful marriage involves sacrifice. We have to be willing to change who we are in order to become a better fit for marriage and love.

Marriage is a refining fire!

I hope my message today will encourage other young wives who seek to have the qualities of a good wife.

Qualities In a Good Wife

There is a short, fleeting moment in every married woman’s life that will change every other aspect of her entire future.

Two short words released in a quick breath, “I do”, influence every other decision she will ever make.

Each woman has to define what this new married life will look like. These are the qualities that I believe make a good wife:

A Good Wife is A Life Long Learner

In order to have a thriving marriage, I had to become a student of both myself and my husband.

I had to commit to studying my own behavior.

What issues did I bring to the table? How could I grow through them to become a better wife?

After 29 years of doing whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it, selfishness was a problem.

I also had a temper.

And, I put my own ambitions over all else.

Okay, okay…. I guess you could say I am human. We all are, and we all bring unique character flaws to marriage.

But having a teachable spirit that is willing to study your own behavior and learn from it is essential to being a good wife.

I found that as long as I’m learning, I can change and grow.

A Good Wife Cultivates A Teachable Spirit

Along with being a life long learner, I’ve found that being a wife cultivates a teachable spirit.

I have to apply what I learn.

I have to seek out wisdom from other women.

And I have to accept and listen to feedback from my husband and others.

A Wife of Character Becomes an Expert Listener

Over the years I realized that I wasn’t much of a good listener. My husband and I were talking, but not much communication was getting done.

A verse that is very near and dear to my heart:
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19

Instead of forming my words and being eager to spit them out like daggers as my husband talks, I started listening with empathy.

A good (and somewhat awkward and annoying) way to to do this is to simply repeat back what your spouse says.

Without forming a judgement or opinion, you are able to simply let them feel heard.

This strengthens empathy and allows you to better empathize with your spouse.

A Good Wife Puts Her Husbands Needs First

Laying down your life for that of another.

Putting his needs before your won.

Loving and serving someone even when you want to be served.

We all know how hard it is to sacrifice our own needs and wants for that of another persons, but do you remember how naturally we do this while dating?

We long to impress him then, but quickly after marriage that eagerness can fade!

But in marriage, serving is essential. We must practice, day by day, putting the needs of our husband before our own.

The funny thing is, this habit will repay you in spades. If you can truly practice it (I fail often), you will find joy and gratitude from your husband, and he just may be eager to give back!

A Good Wife Is Kind In Actions and Words

A good wife is humble in how she approaches her husband, and kind.

I have wasted many words by speaking them in irritation. And I’ve missed opportunities to bless my husband because my intentions were not kind.

1 Corinthians 4:13: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

She Builds Up Her Husband With Her Words

A wise and quality wife will build up her husband’s reputation with her words.

I heard once that wives are the “public relations” firm for their husbands. How true this is! We are the only ones who see all sides of our husbands, and it is our opportunity to share the good with the world through our words!

A Quality Wife Will Enjoy Her Husband’s Interests

My husband passionately loves two things in life: fishing and football. I’ve slowly learned that I can either sign up for the team or our marriage can be lonely.

Now that we have 3 boys, we try to enjoy Saturday football together as a family. My daughter and I may do art or read during this time, but we are there. And we take family fishing adventures together and enjoy quality salmon that my husband brings home.

I’ve learned that its important to support each other’s hobbies, so that you can grow together… rather than growing apart.

A Joyful Wife Is A Blessing

I have learned over the years that a joyful wife is a gift and blessing to my husband.

I can greet him with a smile and a kiss.

I can choose to smile if he is having a grumpy day.

I can be willing to have fun and not take life so seriously (a major challenge for my personality type!).

A Thankful Wife is a Wife of Quality

A thankful spirit is like a sweet perfume we can wear that will sweeten the lives of our husbands.

And our children. And anyone else who encounters us!

Gratitude is also amazing for your health!

When I choose to be thankful for my husband, I see a weight come off his shoulders. He just stands a bit taller. I am reassuring that all his hard work and sacrifice is noticed and appreciated.

It doesn’t really matter whether we live in a mansion or a modest home, gratitude will make your dwelling and life seemed to be filled with beauty.

Learn to keep a gratitude journal like this one.

A Forgiving Spirit: The Most Important Quality In A Good Wife

The most important quality a wife can have is to be filled with forgiveness. Both husbands and wives make mistakes.

We offend, unintentionally.

We are careless with our words.

We are selfish with our time.

From what I have observed, marriages that survive practice the art of forgiveness. Learn to give grace to your husband, as much as you can… and save a good portion for yourself as well!

Books That May Save Your Marriage

One of my favorite books on marriage is Love and Respect. I’ve also enjoyed and benefited from Wife After God and You and Me Forever.

We enter our marriage with rose colored glasses…

Truth be told, we all enter our marriages with rose colored glasses. It only takes a few weeks before those rose colored glasses start slipping and we start examining him with a microscope!

It takes time to change and grow! But my hope is that these ten qualities in a good wife, that have become so pertinent in my own marriage, will also bless you and your husband today.