How to Save Your Marriage with 7 Biblical Truths

Today I am sharing 7 Biblical ways on how to save your marriage…

An old woman stoops in a garden, her hands deep in the crumbling soil that she tends. A halo of sunlight surrounds gray wisps, and her head upturns with a smile. Time has unfolded around her, but in the creases of her skin are the lines of learning, laughter and love. Joy radiates from her and she is surrounded by a bounty of flowers and produce. She provides beauty and sustenance for herself and her husband, who was once as young and foolhardy as she had been. She built her garden to yield fruit throughout the decades.

I’ve only been married 8 years. The first few years of our married life were very hard. Through the challenges we had a chance to give up or to grow…. though it was the harder path, we chose to grow.

I hope to one day be like the old lady in this parable, choosing to build a beautiful married life with my words, actions and thoughts, and getting to enjoy the fruit that comes from loving my husband well.

Here are 7 changes I’ve made that have improved my marriage over the years:

1. Be the First to Forgive

Proverbs 17: 9 “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.”

It takes compassion and effort to forgive. Once we are married, we see every side of our spouse… the good, the bad, and the ugly! We may often be offended and are also offending in ways that are unintentional, but the hurt adds up nonetheless.

That is why it is so important to develop a heart of forgiveness towards our spouse.

We have two choices: we can add up all the little ways our husbands offend us, keep a tally and live in bitterness…

Or we can forgive.

You can also work to NOT take offense. This is an area in which my husband and I have both grown. As we work to overlook offenses, the strife in our marriage has diminished.

Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirs old quarrels, but love overlooks insults.”

The beauty of forgiveness is that it drips with grace. It allows you to recognize that your husband is but human, made of flesh and blood. He may be weary to the bone, burdened by work or overwhelmed by the world. Your gentle hand of grace and forgiveness towards him, even in moments unlovable, is a ministry to his soul.

Practical Tip: Be the first to apologize and the first to forgive.

For further reading: Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken

2. Speaking Kind Words Saves Your Marriage

I cannot tell you how much sorrow I could have saved my marriage if I had learned to bite my tongue at an early age! Those bitter words that made me feel as if I had won an argument resulted in great loss and division.

Proverbs 12:18 says, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Are you reckless in the words you speak to your spouse? I know from experience that healing comes from using sweet words and a soft voice. This is so hard to master. Sometimes it is better to simply say nothing at all.

Again, from Proverbs: “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.”

Words as a tree of life… isn’t that a beautiful metaphor? The words that I speak to and over my husband can be life giving to him, resulting in a strong husband and a joyful marriage.

Practical tip: The next time you feel “baited” into an argument with your husband, choose not to engage. Take a deep breath, and politely leave the room and come back. During this time pray and ask God to help you resolve the issue well.

Proverbs 10:19 “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.”

For further reading: Sacred Marriage

3. Pray for Your Husband

I recently recommitted to praying for my spouse. During long walks I lift up all of my husbands needs (as I perceive them) to the Lord. I give God any frustrations I have with my marriage. And, I leave the work in His hands.

This frees me up to just love my husband. It is not my job to change him. I pray for my husband to be blessed and to grow closer to the Lord. I pray for amazing opportunities to come his way! Any blessing your husband receives will also bless you.

Praying faithfully for your spouse can also soften your heart towards him.

Practical tip: If you want to revamp your prayer life and pray diligently for your husband, I highly recommend reading The Power of a Praying Wife!

Psalm 17:6 I call on you, my God, for you will answer me; turn your ear to me and hear my prayer.

For further reading on prayer: E.M. Bounds on Prayer

4.Serve Your Husband Well

I never imagined the heart ache I would go through in marriage when I first said my vows. And, most of the heart ache was self inflicted.

You see, even though I was almost 29 years old when we tied the knot, I was still very selfish and immature.

We both worked, and I would get angry if the house work was left to me. I bitterly picked up dirty laundry and bitterly wearied away my marriage. About five years in, I finally realized it was my duty as a Christian wife to serve my husband. I had known this all along in my heart, but I had never chosen to happily embrace it.

A marriage cannot thrive without love. And love involves sacrifice. As wives, we sacrifice our time and energy folding laundry, making meals, taking care of children and cleaning our homes.

I have learned that I can serve my husband well by cleaning without complaining, to cook what he enjoys, and to pick up dirty laundry with a grateful heart for all my husband does for me.

Ideally, you and your husband will be serving one another. Personally, I was often so bitter I could not see the many things my husband did to serve me. Keeping a gratitude journal can help!

Mark 10:45 “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

We have the ultimate example of service in Christ! When we are weary of serving, we can pray and ask for an attitude of joy.

Here is a Practical Tip: The next time you are washing dishes or folding laundry, smile and think of ten things you love about your spouse. If you are in a rough spot in your marriage, this can be hard. Keep it simple. I love his smile, his hair, his compassion for others, etc….

For further reading: The Meaning of Marriage

5. Become Your Husband’s Friend

My husband loves watching sports. I loathe it. Saturday afternoon football in my world is basically a cardinal sin. I mean, who would waste a perfectly good Saturday watching a football game? (Granted, a lot of people do).

But it turns out my husband actually needs this time to de stress and unwind, and he needs me to vouch for his rest as well.

So we go to baseball games, play golf, and when football is on I make nachos and read a book. I no longer leave for the afternoon but try to find a way to enjoy time together doing what he loves.

The beautiful thing is, that my husband has returned the favor. We both have grown in our appreciation for each other, and instead of going our separate ways we take time to share our interests. We enjoy life side by side, even though we are different.

Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Adam and Eve needed each other in the garden, and you and your husband need each other today.

Practical Tip: Take an interest in your husband’s hobbies. Maybe you just go along to the river on his fishing trip, or you may end up joining him in a sport and finding you enjoy it!

6. Work on Your Own Issues

Our closest relationships have a way of revealing our hidden faults. When I first got married, the act of living so closely with another person shone a light into the deepest places of my soul. It turns out there was a lot of dust, dirt and broken pieces.

My initial response to this ugliness was to deny the problems were there or try to blame my husband. Anger, fear, and insecurities often reared their ugly heads. I couldn’t combat these issues until I took responsibility for myself.

Once I stopped blaming my husband and denying I had any problems I was able to work on the only person I could change: myself.

I could finally bring my issues to the cross and ask God to forgive and change me.

Peeling back the layers of selfishness, control, fear, and insecurity takes time. It is a hard process. Let your husband know you are working on yourself. This may open his heart and you might see positive transformation in your whole marriage!

Some encouraging verses as you work through your own issues:

Philippians 1:6 “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Practical Tip: If you can, find an older friend or mentor who is willing to walk beside you and help you grow as a wife. This person should be someone who is honest with you and will pray with you for the betterment of your marriage!

All photographs by the author.

7. Let Go of the Little Things to Save Your Marriage

1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

Do you want more joy, love and positive influence over your husband?
Here’s a secret: Letting go of the little things can save your marriage.

After a few years of nagging my husband, I realized that I was completely draining both his time and mine.

If you are a controlling wife, you are draining your husbands vitality. (It takes one to know one!). You are also robbing your marriage of joy and increasing your own stress.

There are many things about our husbands we cannot change. He may leave cupboard doors open to your annoyance or throw his laundry next to the laundry basket.

If you can love him in spite of his faults, and learn to focus on all the positive things he does, you will build a strong marriage and a strong spouse.

Sidenote: There is a time and place to air grievances with each other. I am not trying to say you must be your husband’s personal maid. But, nagging will not change your husband, and it will further divide your marriage! Find the right time and place to discuss these issues, and come from a heart of love.

Proverbs 21:9 says, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

Use your words, your facial expressions and your influence wisely. Don’t let the little things steal the beautiful destiny God has planned for your marriage.

You may be in a tough spot with your marriage today. I have been there, and I know the struggle is so hard. Know that you are not alone. All marriages take work to grow and flourish. If you pray and use Biblical principals, you can save your marriage and thrive in your relationship.

Bibiical books that can help save a hard marriage:

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl

The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

You and Me Forever by Francis Chan

Wife After God by Jennifer Smith